It's Okay, I'll Kill You Later... [Ilana/Jiseth]

The scales surrounding Ilana's eyes shifted into an expression of some surprise at the fact that the Romulan was taking a nap of all things at that point, not to mention the use of a hologram in the shuttle. She was pretty sure that the captain wouldn't approve of such a thing. As it was, Captain T'Koris only just about tolerated the official Starfleet holograms for ship's operations. One of her staff putting one together like this wouldn't sit well.

When the hologram turned toward her, Ilana's expression turned back to one of very faint hostility. Ignoring the introduction, she picked up her PADD and got to her feet, heading into the back of the shuttle.

There was a long sigh that came from Jiseth as the Cardassian's departure had disturbed her still light sleep. She looked over to Mon who was nearing as close to a scowl as she could muster. Expressions were hard for her and she normally remained stoic. The Romulan got comfortable again before murmuring to the ship.

"Remind her that she's in our world now..."

The hologram perked up and vanished. The lights flickered in the cabin section wildly for a few seconds before the artificial gravity was deactivated. She appeared again standing by the archway as she watched the objects float around, including the ensign.

"I was a basic little number box before she and her team gave me consciousness. Is that not bringing life into the universe?"

Having settled down onto one of the bunks in her customary studying position, back flat on the surface of the thin mattress and her legs straight up against the bulkhead, Ilana was not expecting to find herself floating up into the air as the artificial gravity failed. She grabbed on to the frame of the bunk, holding herself down and closing her eyes as her stomach roiled. Zero gravity was not something that her somewhat weak constitution could handle.

"C-c-c-computer! R-r-reinstate g-g-gravity!" she managed to get out, once again ignoring the hologram. At that point in time, she was more concerned about keeping her stomach from trying to climb up her oesophagus.

"No."

Mon spoke flatly. She shut the door to the rest of the craft and walked around inspecting each piece of furniture and stationary. Their momentum, their spins, it was all fascinating to see such simple examples of physics. Refreshing really, compared to her normal routine of unworldly insight into warp fields and extra dimensions. The things that made mortals go insane from the sheer complexity.

"Did you treat the Bajorans the same way? Or am I even lower to you?"

No? Surely the computer and the hologram were separate entities? Ilana's knowledge of the computer systems was quite limited, but she knew tell that Captain T'Koris would tear Jiseth a new one of she knew that the two were interlinked. Having a sentient being in such control of the computer could never end well.

The question about the Bajorans came as a surprise to her. She had memories of being on Bajor, of course, of toddling around a magnificent garden while her mother and several Cardassian guards watched to keep her safe, but she had only been very young before her father had taken her and her mother to the cargo ship that had allowed their escape.

She swallowed hard, trying to keep her paltry breakfast down as she fought against the lack of gravity. "I w-w-was only t-t-two wh-when I w-w-was on B-B-Bajor," she retorted. "I d-d-didn't kn-kn-know any B-Bajorans."

Taking hold of Ilana's ankle, Mon spun her around and watched her go round and round. Only a fraction of a hertz, but somewhat amusing nonetheless. Satisfying really. She scanned her life signs and drew a modest grin from the elevated heart rate and blood pressure. At least she could get the Cardassian to talk to her.

"Is there an emergency on the colony or is this a personal visit?"

Being spun around in zero gravity was not something that Ilana had done since her time at the Academy, and there had been one key change in her physiology that she had not anticipated. The Borg vocal subprocessor that she relied on for her speech as apparently not happy about being upside down in zero G.

Pain spiked through her head from her Broca's area as the nanoprobes rushed to try to correct the imbalance, causing her to yelp and hold her head in her hands as if hoping that it would alleviate the pain. She tried to speak, to call out to the computer to reinstate gravity again, but her mouth and tongue couldn't form the words, only a few strangled, nonsense syllables.

Catching Ilana in one hand and a chair in the other, Mon brought the two together and set them on the floor just as everything else fell once the gravity returned. The hologram simply stared at her while scanning her peculiar implants. Trace amounts of radiation damage in the Cardassian's body as well.

"Do not speak. Nod or shake your head. Are you in pain?"

The impact of gravity reestablishing itself certainly didn't help the searing headache Ilana was experiencing. She felt dizzy and more than a little nauseated from her experience. She gulped down air, trying to stabilise herself. She knew that nanoprobes would immediately be congregating on the site to repair any damage.

One thing she certainly didn't want to do was move her head, but since there was no other way to communicate with the hologram for the next few minutes, she managed a minute nod in response to her question.

The holographic woman vanished for a fraction of a second and appeared again with a medkit in hand. She removed the hypospray and pressed it to Ilana's neck, releasing a cocktail of dramemine and pain-killers.

"I want you to understand something very important. Jiseth once asked me if I enjoyed my former state. I could only respond with a preprogrammed answer. I could calculate, but not think. Now I can feel so many things. Do you know what it's like to fly? To hurl yourself through space and let the solar wind dance across your body? I've been in service for years, but only days have I been alive. To me all you flesh-bound creatures are mundane moving parts. Tissues and bone. Then I see the things you do. What grand a thing a soul is. To have dreams. My emotions are so limited. I envy you, Telak."

Ilana shied away from the hypospray, wary about having someone she didn't know so close to her throat and sensitive neck ridges. As soon as the painkiller had been administered, she pushed the hologram away, staggering to her feet and holding on to the handle on a cubby hole when her inner ear failed to engage to help her balance.

"Y-y-y-y-you sh-sh-shouldn't," she managed to snap back at the hologram, her speech only just comprehensible through the stammers and slurs as her speech motor centre struggled to right itself.

"And what is undesireable about your life? Lady Jiseth watched as the cities of the Cardassian home world became seas of molten rock. She is damaged in a way no implant or hypospray could remedy. As I'm sure how have your own demons."

Mon set the device on the table and with the wave of a hand opened to door as she began righting chairs and placing things just as they were.

"There is so much opportunity for you. Why squander it by hiding?"

The Cardassian still held on to the handle, as if afraid that letting go would result in her feet leaving the deck plates again. So much opportunity. She would have snorted with mirthless laughter had that been something she tended to do. So much opportunity for a Cardassian from a respected yet disgraced family, for a Cardassian far smaller, skinnier and weaker than her counterparts.

So much opportunity for a woman who sat and waited day after day for the return of a man she was unlikely to ever see again.

"Th-th-th-that is n-n-n-none of y-y-your b-b-business."

"You won't seek counseling, I bet. You just trudge on like all the other officers. At what point do emotions lead to being medically unfit? Sulking privately. Your synapses firing wildly. Your natural talent for memorization has you reliving all these things. That is something I fear I will develope. It's what leads to degeneration in artificial lifeforms like myself. We literally think ourselves to death. We can be rebuilt, however. We're seen as disposable. You wouldn't care if I committed suicide as long as you weren't on board. To you I was never alive to begin with."

Having finished cleaning up, she sat in the seat nearest to Ilana.

"What is it like to love someone?"

With the painkiller kicking in and the nanoprobes doing their work to repair the imbalance in her implants, Ilana found that she could let go of the handle and stand up on her own two feet without falling over.

"I d-d-don't n-n-n-need c-c-counselling," she grumbled, picking up her PADD again. Apparently, she wasn't going to get any reading done with this hologram bugging her about personal things she would really rather not discuss.

"L-l-love is n-n-not w-worth th-th-the e-effort," she then muttered, sitting down on the bunk again and powering on her PADD, intending to continue reading the research paper she was in the middle of.

"Is it not for personal reasons that we are on this endeavor? People that you love?"

Ilana was proving stubborn even for the Mon's patience. Something so secretive and private, she wondered if all organic a were so protective. Especially when others were supposed to help them. She knew Jiseth would ask even her lowliest subordinate for advise from time to time. Perhaps that was the subtle difference. One was a request, while their present situation came nearly as an order from the Captain.

The Cardassian let out a slow breath. Yes, the mission they were on was for personal reasons. In her familial relationships, she had never really considered love to be a factor. It had been a constant, something that was never doubted as it was always given so freely between the members of the family. After all, very little was more important in Cardassian society than one's family.

"M-m-m-my f-f-father," she said softly. "H-h-h-he's ill, b-but w-w-won't l-l-let any o-other m-m-medics n-near h-him."

There was a slight color change in Mon's body, turning a violet shade as the data streams went red for a few seconds before returning to her normal blue. Billions and billions of calculations happening at the same time. She was in many places at once with an awareness that only holograms and androids could empathize with.

"I have increased reactor output to 95%. Warp speed at maximum without damaging myself. I hope that is acceptable. I seem to put my caretakers as a higher priority than most organics. Their work is less stastically less likely to have an error during my maintenance checks. Is that how your father feels?"

Ilana's eye scales shifted into a slight expression of surprise as she felt the shuttle leap forward into a higher warp factor, but the question about how her father felt turned the expression to one of melancholy.

"M-m-my f-f-father is v-very p-p-protective of m-me. I am h-h-his l-last r-r-remaining ch-ch-child. I once h-had f-f-four s-s-siblings."

"There are risks inherent in Starfleet duty. He allows this evenstill?"

Mon blinked a few times trying to come up with her own solution to compare to Ilana's response. She herself, though the only one of her kind, had no choice in the matter. She was still a shuttle. Some might consider her a slave, but she was fully aware of her function and did not wish to alter it.

"H-h-he w-w-was a G-G-Gul in th-th-the C-C-Cardassian F-Fleet. H-h-he kn-kn-knew th-the r-r-risks, b-b-but also kn-kn-knew th-that h-he c-c-couldn't s-s-stop m-me f-from d-doing wh-wh-what I w-w-wanted," the Cardassian said quietly. "Th-th-the m-m-medical officers on th-th-the s-s-starship th-that s-saved us t-t-told h-him th-th-that I h-h-had a t-talent. H-h-he encouraged m-me t-t-to f-follow it."

"You can grow. Enhance your skills. All I'll ever be is a spaceship and not a particularly big one. That is what I envy. If I encounter a shortcoming, I simply upgrade my components. There's little of my own effort involved. Someone else always knows best. What you see is a glorified interface."

Her eyes shifted to the stars streaking by the view port.

"If you would like to stay longer than what is necessary to administer your father's treatment, I can find a means to justify the extension to Jiseth."

"N-n-no," Ilana said as firmly as she could manage. "I w-w-will n-n-not k-keep th-th-the ch-chief p-p-pilot f-from th-th-the Ph-Phoenix f-f-for l-longer th-th-than is absolutely n-n-necessary f-f-for m-my p-p-personal d-desires. I h-h-have already b-been indulged b-by b-being allowed t-to c-c-come h-here at all."

The Cardassian sighed heavily, rubbing the side of her head where the implant lay under the protective layer of her skull. It still throbbed unpleasantly, but it was tolerable. "If y-y-you d-d-don't m-mind, I'd l-l-like t-to g-g-get s-some s-s-sleep b-before w-w-we arrive."

"Thank you for speaking with me."

Mon bowed her head and faded away in a similar fashion to one beaming from a location. Jiseth however, stood leaning against the side of the doorway with her arms crossed. She had not slept through all the commotion and overheard most of their conversation. Her expression was predominantly neutral, but there was a great deal of remorse in those emerald eyes that usually threw baleful gazes that seemed to desire to melt flesh and steel with equal ease.

"Take an extra day there. Make sure the treatment is working. I'm sure he could use some time with his daughter just as much as any medicine."

Stifling a yawn, Jiseth moved back to the pilot's seat and attempted to fall asleep once more in the leather seat. Thoughts of her own father drawing out several tears that she concealed by pulling the blanket over her head.

Ilana jumped at the sound of Jiseth's voice, having not heard the Romulan approach. She narrowed her own green eyes, daring her to say anything else about what she had heard.

Turning her back on the door to the cockpit, she pulled back the blankets on one of the bunks and slipped between them, curling up into a tight ball and wishing, as she did every time she tried to sleep, that there was a large, warm Klingon with her.


[At the Colony]

After speaking to the ground control at the station, Ilana sat back in the co-pilot's chair. She had said no more than a handful of words to the Romulan accompanying her since waking up that morning, but now sat for a moment, trying to think of how to phrase what she had to say.

"M-my m-m-mother w-will b-b-be m-meeting us at th-th-the l-landing s-station. I sh-sh-should w-warn y-you th-th-that sh-sh-she c-can b-b-be a l-l-little... overb-bearing."