Questions and Misunderstandings [Gavin/Zero]

[USS Phoenix - Crew Quarters]

Thankfully, it had been pretty easy to determine that Thelos was on duty in sickbay before Zero went calling at the quarters he now shared with Gavin. She disliked anyone seeing in her in any state other than her usual, polished self, and she was about as far away from that now as she could get. She wanted, no, needed Gavin's help to sort out the confusion inside her head, the emotions and fears and contradictions that wouldn't go away.

So now she stood outside his new residence, leaning against the bulkhead as she breathed heavily. With Jiseth having managed to restore her dance program, Zero had tried her usual methos of sorting through her thoughts in a quest for clarity - Dancing. But it hadn't been enough. She had twisted her ankle and finally broken it before she had stopped, still no closer to her goal than when she had started.

The Augment pressed the chime, hoping that he wasn't busy, and then hoping that he wouldn't be afraid. She knew that she looked a sight. She had seen herself in the mirrors of her studio. White hair in disarray, eyes red and puffy from crying, leaning against the wall in an attempt to keep the weight off her ankle. She closed her eyes and prayed that the young science officer was at home.

"Aha!" Gavin said, beaming happily as he typed away on a padd - one of about seven that were spread out across the desk area of his and Thelos' quarters. "Of course. Don't know why I couldn't see it before. Of course, there's the problem of containment...computer," he said, standing up and stretching before heading to the replicator. "Increase volume of music." The computer dutifully beeped, and Vivaldi's 'Four Seasons' concerto number two filled the room in all their violin-y glory.

He'd been working for the last three hours on a particularly problematic formula in his research on using unstable molecules as an infinitely recurring fuel source for starships. The molecules themselves were fairly straightforward, but actually contain--

Gavin frowned, swearing he could hear the sound of the door chime. And there it was again! Thelos was on duty, and besides, he wouldn't chime himself into his own home. Who in the hell... he thought, picking up a padd and scribbling a few more notes before he forgot them. Crossing the room, Gavin opened the door, frowning severely at whoever had interrupted him...

"Zero!" he said, his green eyes widening. She looked terrible. "You look terrible. I mean...like you've been through something. Not that you ever look...anyway. Come on in."

Gavin Van Gelder wrote:

Gavin frowned, swearing he could hear the sound of the door chime.  And there it was again!  Thelos was on duty, and besides, he wouldn't chime himself into his own home.  Who in the hell... he thought, picking up a padd and scribbling a few more notes before he forgot them.  Crossing the room, Gavin opened the door, frowning severely at whoever had interrupted him...

"Zero!" he said, his green eyes widening.  She looked terrible.  "You look terrible.  I mean...like you've been through something.  Not that you ever look...anyway.  Come on in."

Looking up at Gavin as the door slid open, Zero didn't have the will to look offended at the words that came tumbling out of his mouth having apparently bypassed his brain in the process. Instead, she limped in, bracing herself against the doorframe as she did. She could feel the bones in her ankle grinding as she moved, her face twisting up into an expression of pain before she forced herself to try to subdue it again.

"I require your assistance," she admitted, not looking particularly happy at that fact.

Zero Alpha wrote:

Looking up at Gavin as the door slid open, Zero didn't have the will to look offended at the words that came tumbling out of his mouth having apparently bypassed his brain in the process.  Instead, she limped in, bracing herself against the doorframe as she did.  She could feel the bones in her ankle grinding as she moved, her face twisting up into an expression of pain before she forced herself to try to subdue it again.

"I require your assistance," she admitted, not looking particularly happy at that fact.

One thing that was consistent with Zero was that she was a true mistress of understatement. "My assistance? I'll say!" Gavin exclaimed as he helped the limping Augment into his quarters. "Zero what the hell've you been doing? Is that - is your foot hurt again?" He knew, then, exactly what she'd been up to. It wasn't the first time he'd seen the girl dance herself to pain. The question was...why? It was a question that would have to wait, though.

"Come here, Zero. I'm beaming us to sickbay, where I can take care of that ankle," he said, gathering up a commbadge to speak into it.

Gavin Van Gelder wrote:

One thing that was consistent with Zero was that she was a true mistress of understatement.  "My assistance?  I'll say!" Gavin exclaimed as he helped the limping Augment into his quarters.  "Zero what the hell've you been doing?  Is that - is your foot hurt again?"  He knew, then, exactly what she'd been up to.  It wasn't the first time he'd seen the girl dance herself to pain.  The question was...why?  It was a question that would have to wait, though.

"Come here, Zero.  I'm beaming us to sickbay, where I can take care of that ankle," he said, gathering up a commbadge to speak into it.

"I have been dancing," came the obvious reply as Zero reluctantly accepted Gavin's help into his quarters. "At Jiseth's insistance, my dance program was restored and I have made use of it. However, I may have pushed myself too far."

Zero stiffened, about to protest being beamed to sickbay, but flagged. Walking on her ankle would likely have pushed the break out of alignment, meaning that it would need to be scanned properly and not just have a knitter run over it. She felt tired beyond belief, something that was almost foreign to her. She nodded to Gavin, pressing her commbadge.

"Alpha to Transporter room, I request the beaming of myself and one other to sickbay."

"Acknowledged," came the reply.

Zero Alpha wrote:

"I have been dancing," came the obvious reply as Zero reluctantly accepted Gavin's help into his quarters.  "At Jiseth's insistance, my dance program was restored and I have made use of it.  However, I may have pushed myself too far."

Zero stiffened, about to protest being beamed to sickbay, but flagged.  Walking on her ankle would likely have pushed the break out of alignment, meaning that it would need to be scanned properly and not just have a knitter run over it.  She felt tired beyond belief, something that was almost foreign to her.  She nodded to Gavin, pressing her commbadge.

"Alpha to Transporter room, I request the beaming of myself and one other to sickbay."

"Acknowledged," came the reply.

"Well, okay," Gavin said, pinning his badge on anyway as the transporter beams picked them up and took them to Sickbay. He put his arm around her shoulders, and away they went.

[Sickbay]

His arm was still around her, giving support, when the clean and bright interior of Sickbay materialized. Gavin did a quick glance-about, seeing of Thelos happened to be on duty in this particular section. He didn't see the Andorian, and was a little thankful for that fact. Whatever Zero had on her mind...well. He wanted Thelos to be more a part of this aspect of his life, but he also knew that it was better for the Andorian's career if he knew little and less about Zero Alpha.

"Okay, easy, easy," he said, helping Zero over to a biobed. A medtech came rushing over, but Gavin shooed them away. "I can handle it from here, nurse," he said, giving the man a kindly smile before turning back to Zero. "Fracture, hairline, in the lateral malleoli," he said, reading the computer scan. "Zero...why do you keep doing this?"

Gavin Van Gelder wrote:

[Sickbay]

His arm was still around her, giving support, when the clean and bright interior of Sickbay materialized.  Gavin did a quick glance-about, seeing of Thelos happened to be on duty in this particular section.  He didn't see the Andorian, and was a little thankful for that fact.  Whatever Zero had on her mind...well.  He wanted Thelos to be more a part of this aspect of his life, but he also knew that it was better for the Andorian's career if he knew little and less about Zero Alpha.

"Okay, easy, easy," he said, helping Zero over to a biobed.  A medtech came rushing over, but Gavin shooed them away.  "I can handle it from here, nurse," he said, giving the man a kindly smile before turning back to Zero.  "Fracture, hairline, in the lateral malleoli," he said, reading the computer scan.  "Zero...why do you keep doing this?"

It was something of a relief to be able to sit down on the biobed, even through she generally made quite a bad patient. On the other hand, she did actually trust Gavin not to do anything to cause her more harm, not intentionally, and she didn't have anything to hide from him.

She stayed in a half-sitting position, one arm braced behind her against the biobed as she watched the young officer run the tricorder over her ankle, making an effort not to move as he did so.

"I required clarity of thought from an overwhelming amount of emotion. I believed that I could find such a mental state by dancing, as I have done before." The Augment looked away from him. "It did not work. I have no further understanding than before I engaged my program."

Zero Alpha wrote:

It was something of a relief to be able to sit down on the biobed, even through she generally made quite a bad patient.  On the other hand, she did actually trust Gavin not to do anything to cause her more harm, not intentionally, and she didn't have anything to hide from him.  

She stayed in a half-sitting position, one arm braced behind her against the biobed as she watched the young officer run the tricorder over her ankle, making an effort not to move as he did so.

"I required clarity of thought from an overwhelming amount of emotion.  I believed that I could find such a mental state by dancing, as I have done before."  The Augment looked away from him.  "It did not work.  I have no further understanding than before I engaged my program."

Ah. That again. He knew damn well what had Zero upset, what she had needed clarity of thought for. However, it wasn't really a topic that he was planning on discussing with her right here in Sickbay, so he set to work on fixing her ankle. The job was something that he had more than adequate skill for. Fate may have stolen his career out from under him, but it couldn't take away the knowledge and talent that he already had.

"Alright...that should do it. You can stand on it again," he said, once the bones had been set and re-knit. He slipped her arm around his shoulder, helping the Augment to her feet. "How's that feel? Alright? Would you like to beam back...or do you want to go anywhere else."

Gavin Van Gelder wrote:

Ah.  That again.  He knew damn well what had Zero upset, what she had needed clarity of thought for.  However, it wasn't really a topic that he was planning on discussing with her right here in Sickbay, so he set to work on fixing her ankle.  The job was something that he had more than adequate skill for.  Fate may have stolen his career out from under him, but it couldn't take away the knowledge and talent that he already had.

"Alright...that should do it.  You can stand on it again," he said, once the bones had been set and re-knit.  He slipped her arm around his shoulder, helping the Augment to her feet.  "How's that feel?  Alright?  Would you like to beam back...or do you want to go anywhere else."

The process of having her ankle set properly and the knitter run over it was an unpleasant one, but it was better than leaving it broken, so Zero sat quietly while Gavin did what he had been trained to do.

At his invitation, she slipped off the biobed, gingerly putting weight on the joint. It was still sore, yes, but more akin to the aches she felt the day after a strenuous workout. It was tolerable.

"Thank you," she told him. "I believe I am capable of walking." The question of where to go, however, was one that she didn't know the answer to. "I cannot return to my quarters at the present time. Jiseth is there and I do not wish to cause her undue worry." She looked up at the young science officer, her expression troubled. "I require your insight. If there is a location that you believe to be appropriate, I will follow."

Zero Alpha wrote:

The process of having her ankle set properly and the knitter run over it was an unpleasant one, but it was better than leaving it broken, so Zero sat quietly while Gavin did what he had been trained to do.  

At his invitation, she slipped off the biobed, gingerly putting weight on the joint.  It was still sore, yes, but more akin to the aches she felt the day after a strenuous workout.  It was tolerable.

"Thank you," she told him.  "I believe I am capable of walking."  The question of where to go, however, was one that she didn't know the answer to.  "I cannot return to my quarters at the present time.  Jiseth is there and I do not wish to cause her undue worry."  She looked up at the young science officer, her expression troubled.  "I require your insight.  If there is a location that you believe to be appropriate, I will follow."

"Then, follow along," Gavin said, smiling as he helped her out of Sickbay. A few seconds of paperwork, and Zero Alpha was remitted to his care. He also promised that she'd be back in for a checkup tomorrow, but he didn't bother telling Zero that. Gavin figured that he could drop that particular bomb later. Preferably when she was leaving.

They walked in relative silence for a while, Gavin leading the way. Eventually, the pair came to a large set of bay doors. "Arboretum," he said, holding the sliding doors open for her.

[Arboretum]

Inside was a nice little self-contained environment - one of his favorite on the ship. While it was nothing like the ones found on starbases and similar installations, it did he trick of both serving as a research station, and giving the terrestrial-bound crewmembers a little piece of home.

"What's on your mind, Zero?" he asked, leading her to a little grassy knoll.

Gavin Van Gelder wrote:

"Then, follow along," Gavin said, smiling as he helped her out of Sickbay.  A few seconds of paperwork, and Zero Alpha was remitted to his care.  He also promised that she'd be back in for a checkup tomorrow, but he didn't bother telling Zero that.  Gavin figured that he could drop that particular bomb later.  Preferably when she was leaving.

They walked in relative silence for a while, Gavin leading the way.  Eventually, the pair came to a large set of bay doors.  "Arboretum," he said, holding the sliding doors open for her.

[Arboretum]

Inside was a nice little self-contained environment - one of his favorite on the ship.  While it was nothing like the ones found on starbases and similar installations, it did he trick of both serving as a research station, and giving the terrestrial-bound crewmembers a little piece of home.

"What's on your mind, Zero?" he asked, leading her to a little grassy knoll.

The arboretum wasn't a place that Zero visited much. She didn't have any particular interest in plantlife beyond that used for medicinal purposes. Sometimes, she would bring Ghost here if he needed to stretch his paws in a real environment rather than a holographic one, but there were only so many times he could fertilise the plants in there before the botanists started to complain.

She followed Gavin a little slowly than she normally walked, allowing for trying not to stress her ankle beyond the necessary.

She was silent for a moment, trying to decide how best to phrase the problem that had her in such a state.

"Jiseth..." she started, although that could probably be the one-word summary of her problems. However, Gavin would likely need more context than that in order to help her. "Jiseth has asked of me to enter a betrothal situation with her."

Zero Alpha wrote:

The arboretum wasn't a place that Zero visited much.  She didn't have any particular interest in plantlife beyond that used for medicinal purposes.  Sometimes, she would bring Ghost here if he needed to stretch his paws in a real environment rather than a holographic one, but there were only so many times he could fertilise the plants in there before the botanists started to complain.

She followed Gavin a little slowly than she normally walked, allowing for trying not to stress her ankle beyond the necessary.

She was silent for a moment, trying to decide how best to phrase the problem that had her in such a state.  

"Jiseth..." she started, although that could probably be the one-word summary of her problems. However, Gavin would likely need more context than that in order to help her. "Jiseth has asked of me to enter a betrothal situation with her."

Gavin had been picking idly at a few blades of grass, trying not to feel guilty about doing so. After all, they weren't holographic. His hand froze, as did the rest of his body, as Zero named the source of her confusion. Should have known, he thought, turning to face the pale girl. His mouth fell open in astonishment, however, when Zero finished her thought. Betrothal? Is Jiseth out of her damn mind?

"Uh. Betrothal. As in, she asked you to marry her." It was a statement, not a question. He felt his dislike for the Romulan, which usually sat in the pit of his stomach like a softly-glowing embankment of coals, blaze up with a fresh blast of furnace air. Marriage! As if Zero Alpha had any clue as to what the concept entailed. From what he knew, Jiseth was the first romantic partner Zero had ever had. And with Starfleet Medical screwing around with the wiring in her head...he was sure Zero had even less of an idea how relationships should work!

He had to ask, though, for form's sake. "How...how do you feel about that? And what did you tell her?"

Gavin Van Gelder wrote:

Gavin had been picking idly at a few blades of grass, trying not to feel guilty about doing so.  After all, they weren't holographic.  His hand froze, as did the rest of his body, as Zero named the source of her confusion.  Should have known, he thought, turning to face the pale girl.  His mouth fell open in astonishment, however, when Zero finished her thought.  Betrothal?  Is Jiseth out of her damn mind?

"Uh.  Betrothal.  As in, she asked you to marry her."  It was a statement, not a question.  He felt his dislike for the Romulan, which usually sat in the pit of his stomach like a softly-glowing embankment of coals, blaze up with a fresh blast of furnace air.  Marriage!  As if Zero Alpha had any clue as to what the concept entailed.  From what he knew, Jiseth was the first romantic partner Zero had ever had.  And with Starfleet Medical screwing around with the wiring in her head...he was sure Zero had even less of an idea how relationships should work!

He had to ask, though, for form's sake.  "How...how do you feel about that?  And what did you tell her?"

Ah.

Gavin's reactions to her words told Zero that something was very wrong with what had happened, or at least wrong in his eyes. Although she would never admit it to the Romulan, she found herself more inclined to trust Gavin's judgement than Jiseth's.

She sat quietly on the grass, her fingers absentmindedly rubbing her newly-repaired ankle as she once again thought over what to tell him.

"I asked for time in which to better comprehend what she was asking of me. I wished to do further research into the subject. I was not... am not certain that I am capable of giving her the emotional and physical qualities generally associated with betrothal and marriage. Her reaction to this request was... not a positive one. She believed that I wished to refuse her, that I did not return her feelings. She became particularly melancholy and so I... ceded... to her request and accepted. It is that which I find clouds my thoughts at this moment."

Zero Alpha wrote:

Ah.

Gavin's reactions to her words told Zero that something was very wrong with what had happened, or at least wrong in his eyes.  Although she would never admit it to the Romulan, she found herself more inclined to trust Gavin's judgement than Jiseth's.

She sat quietly on the grass, her fingers absentmindedly rubbing her newly-repaired ankle as she once again thought over what to tell him.

"I asked for time in which to better comprehend what she was asking of me.  I wished to do further research into the subject.  I was not... am not certain that I am capable of giving her the emotional and physical qualities generally associated with betrothal and marriage.  Her reaction to this request was...  not a positive one.  She believed that I wished to refuse her, that I did not return her feelings.  She became particularly melancholy and so I... ceded... to her request and accepted.  It is that which I find clouds my thoughts at this moment."

Oh, Zero. Zero, Zero, Zero... Gavin thought, pressing the tips of his fingers into his temples, fighting off the hammering, pounding pressure that was building there. It seemed to come about fairly easily when Zero, Jiseth, or any combination thereof were involved.

It was just like the Romulan, though. Her selfishness wasn't surprising at all. The confusion was forgivable on Zero's side, since she didn't have the experiential capacity to understand these things. But Jiseth knew damn well what she was doing!

"There's more involved that that," he finally said, still pinching the bridge of his nose. "You're talking about a commitment, Zero. A promise, traditionally for life. This is your first relationship. If you don't feel that it's a commitment you're able to make, then...no. You shouldn't make it. No matter how 'melancholy' it makes her."

Gavin Van Gelder wrote:

Oh, Zero.  Zero, Zero, Zero... Gavin thought, pressing the tips of his fingers into his temples, fighting off the hammering, pounding pressure that was building there.  It seemed to come about fairly easily when Zero, Jiseth, or any combination thereof were involved.

It was just like the Romulan, though.  Her selfishness wasn't surprising at all.  The confusion was forgivable on Zero's side, since she didn't have the experiential capacity to understand these things.  But Jiseth knew damn well what she was doing!  

"There's more involved that that," he finally said, still pinching the bridge of his nose.  "You're talking about a commitment, Zero.  A promise, traditionally for life.  This is your first relationship.  If you don't feel that it's a commitment you're able to make, then...no.  You shouldn't make it.  No matter how 'melancholy' it makes her."

Gavin's apparent pain was a source of some concern for Zero, who found that the inner medic that she had been trying to cultivate was nudging her. She looked down at the grass, chewing on her lip. What he was saying was logical and showed her that she had not been logical in her actions with the Romulan.

"I apologise, Gavin," she murmured. "I have caused you distress. That was not my intent. I have always found your views and advice invaluable, which is why I sought it in this matter."

Zero Alpha wrote:

Gavin's apparent pain was a source of some concern for Zero, who found that the inner medic that she had been trying to cultivate was nudging her.  She looked down at the grass, chewing on her lip.  What he was saying was logical and showed her that she had not been logical in her actions with the Romulan.

"I apologise, Gavin," she murmured.  "I have caused you distress.  That was not my intent.  I have always found your views and advice invaluable, which is why I sought it in this matter."

Gav had to stop his eyes from rolling. Sometimes, it was easy to forget how...literally...literal Zero was with things. Just another byproduct of her complete lack of context for...anything, really.

"That means a lot to hear you say that, Zero," he said, resting a hand on her shoulder and smiling. Gavin knew that she didn't like physical contact, but...well. It was something she was going to have go get used to, the further into 'humanity' that she delved. "It really does. And you don't have to apologize to me."

He plucked at a few more strands of grass, wondering just where to go next with this. Actually, wondering where to even begin. "It's...it's good, actually, that you're having these thoughts, instead of just acting out on instinct. Instinct's good, it's brought humanity from primordial goo to faster-than-light travel, but...it must be tempered, with logic and reason. Passion's only one hemisphere."

Zero had tensed at the hand on her shoulder, bit didn't knock it away. Progress had been made in that respect. What he had said, on the other hand, had her thinking a little more before she spoke again.

"Instinct is not an element that I comprehend. This union that Jiseth has proposed, I wish it in an emotional manner, to continue to be close to her, but logic reminds me that I am not capable of what such a union demands of me. If I follow logic, I fear that I will lose her, just as I have lost her before."

Zero Alpha wrote:

Zero had tensed at the hand on her shoulder, bit didn't knock it away.  Progress had been made in that respect.  What he had said, on the other hand, had her thinking a little more before she spoke again.

"Instinct is not an element that I comprehend.  This union that Jiseth has proposed, I wish it in an emotional manner, to continue to be close to her, but logic reminds me that I am not capable of what such a union demands of me.  If I follow logic, I fear that I will lose her, just as I have lost her before."

The thought of Jiseth packing her bags and flygirling back to where she came from was appealing to Gavin, even though he felt bad for feeling that way. That wasn't really what he was here, for. Well, what the hell *are* you here for? he thought. Good question...

"You may not comprehend it, Zero, but...it's there." He leaned back in the grass, propping himself up with his hands, looking up at the artificial sky. "And this relationship requires both. All relationships do. I mean...if Thelos and I just went by logic - knowing that our coupling upsets our relative families, and that we can't procreate - we'd never be together. But we are. Thel and I are in love, and happy. And it makes us both better people for it."

He sat back up, smiling softly at the Augment. "You have to talk to her. That's not even up for question. If you have doubts, you have to lay them out."

The mentino of Gavin's relationship with Thelos was an interesting element for the Augment. Another coupling that had, at one point in history, been frowned upon in more ways than one. She was aware that they were still likely to face scrutiny on the part of Thelos' parents, just as she would face scrutiny on all sides once the secret of her birth eventually made public knowledge.

An expression of fear crossed her face as Gavin told her that she was going to have to talk to Jiseth about their situation. She had doubts, yes, but could she bring them to the Romulan?

"I do not know that I am capable of that," she replied, shaking her head. "I fear her reaction should I cast any doubt on the emotions present in our relationship."

Zero Alpha wrote:

The mentino of Gavin's relationship with Thelos was an interesting element for the Augment.  Another coupling that had, at one point in history, been frowned upon in more ways than one.  She was aware that they were still likely to face scrutiny on the part of Thelos' parents, just as she would face scrutiny on all sides once the secret of her birth eventually made public knowledge.

An expression of fear crossed her face as Gavin told her that she was going to have to talk to Jiseth about their situation.  She had doubts, yes, but could she bring them to the Romulan?

"I do not know that I am capable of that," she replied, shaking her head.  "I fear her reaction should I cast any doubt on the emotions present in our relationship."

There were few things in the Universe that genuinely made Gavin's brain hurt. Temporal mechanics, non-Euclidean geometry...and Zero Alpha. Her complete lack of understanding of how anything outside of a lab worked was enough to put the pressure into anyone's temples...and to break anyone's heart.

"That's the thing. You shouldn't fear her reaction. Healthy relationships require communication...from both sides. If you have doubts, you need to tell her, or else anything you bury now will re-grow as resentment later."

"It is clear that which she expects of me," Zero replied softly, her fingers playing with the soft blades of grass they were sitting on. Grass, so simple a thing, yet something she was so unfamiliar with, something foreign to her. "She does not seem to understand that I am capable of doubt, even when I expressed that I continue to be uneasy with any form of intimate contact, or that I was unsure of my ability to provide the necessary emotional support required in a relationship marker of this magnitude. She appears to believe that I do not return her feelings or desires, that I no longer 'want' her, or that she has not done enough for me, perhaps in order to endear herself to me."

Zero Alpha wrote:

"It is clear that which she expects of me," Zero replied softly, her fingers playing with the soft blades of grass they were sitting on.  Grass, so simple a thing, yet something she was so unfamiliar with, something foreign to her.  "She does not seem to understand that I am capable of doubt, even when I expressed that I continue to be uneasy with any form of intimate contact, or that I was unsure of my ability to provide the necessary emotional support required in a relationship marker of this magnitude.  She appears to believe that I do not return her feelings or desires, that I no longer 'want' her, or that she has not done enough for me, perhaps in order to endear herself to me."

"All due respect to your impressive intellect, Zero," Gavin said without the barest hint of irony, "I don't think it's clear to you at all. And, to be honest, I don't think that you're clear enough with her, either."

Bunching his legs up in front of him, Gavin wrapped his arms around his knees, looking somewhat like the ball of emotion that he felt, right now. It was hard not to feel like he was trashing Jiseth, which wasn't his intention, even though the Romulan wasn't his favorite person. Zero was confused enough without him actively working against her relationships. "Jiseth's Romulan. They're passionate people, even if she isn't exactly your industry standard. Sometimes...sometimes you just have to sit them down, throw on the brakes, and explain how things are. Just...this flying blind that you're both doing...it's going to get you more hurt before it gets better."

Gavin Van Gelder wrote:

"All due respect to your impressive intellect, Zero," Gavin said without the barest hint of irony, "I don't think it's clear to you at all.  And, to be honest, I don't think that you're clear enough with her, either."

Bunching his legs up in front of him, Gavin wrapped his arms around his knees, looking somewhat like the ball of emotion that he felt, right now.  It was hard not to feel like he was trashing Jiseth, which wasn't his intention, even though the Romulan wasn't his favorite person.  Zero was confused enough without him actively working against her relationships.  "Jiseth's Romulan.  They're passionate people, even if she isn't exactly your industry standard.  Sometimes...sometimes you just have to sit them down, throw on the brakes, and explain how things are.  Just...this flying blind that you're both doing...it's going to get you more hurt before it gets better."

"I have attempted to do so in order to relate my mental state to her, but it does not seem to have any positive effect," Zero replied.  "It is as if we are incapable of moving onward, constantly turning in circles."  She sighed, rubbing her temples.  "If I show hesitation or doubt, she will become withdrawn, believe that she is damaged or that I no longer return her emotions of affection.  If I repress my hesitation and doubt, she is happier.  There does not appear to be any manner in which we are able to meet at the center point."

Looking up again, at the grassy landscape that was the arboretum, she sighed. "I wish to tell her, to ask her to assist me in my efforts to recover from that which Admiral Corinth has done to me. I occasionally wonder if, due to her nature, we are incompatible.

Zero Alpha wrote:

"I have attempted to do so in order to relate my mental state to her, but it does not seem to have any positive effect," Zero replied.  "It is as if we are incapable of moving onward, constantly turning in circles."  She sighed, rubbing her temples.  "If I show hesitation or doubt, she will become withdrawn, believe that she is damaged or that I no longer return her emotions of affection.  If I repress my hesitation and doubt, she is happier.  There does not appear to be any manner in which we are able to meet at the center point."

Looking up again, at the grassy landscape that was the arboretum, she sighed.  "I wish to tell her, to ask her to assist me in my efforts to recover from that which Admiral Corinth has done to me.  I occasionally wonder if, due to her nature, we are incompatible.

Incompatible...yeah...

As much as Gavin didn't like Jiseth, he still felt a little guilty about having this kind of conversation behind her back. However, the fact that they were even having this conversation at all was proof that it needed to be done.

"It's...not an invalid concern," he said, his attention focused on a little white flower that rustled in the artificial breeze. "Jiseth is your first relationship. For most people, that means the person you get a crush on when you're twelve or something. For you? I mean, you're literally just walking right into it. No context. It's hard to just wake up one day, point to someone, and go 'you', and have them be the exact match that's compatible with you."

Sighing, Gavin flopped down on the ground, lying in the soft grass and gazing up at the bay ceiling. "Have you even thought about trying a relationship with a man, before? Or even a non-binary species? Have you considered it? Because, if not...you owe it to yourself to ask these questions, Zero. The pursuit of happiness is something inherent to all sentient beings."

Zero stayed silent for a moment, pondering over what Gavin had said. It had been different in her relationship with Jiseth. The Romulan had been the one to choose her, not the other way around, that night in a bar in Washington, when she had shown Zero that not everyone cared about her lineage.

The mention of a relationship with a man caused the Augment to flinch and look away from Gavin. "My only experience with a male of any species was with Admiral Corinth," she replied softly. "I found that it was not enjoyable." The then frowned slightly, looking up at the boy genius. "I still do not comprehend what was unacceptable about that which they did. It was explained to me in great detail beforehand, that it was a habitual exercise. When I returned, I found many such recordings in the cultural databanks, and the women in such recordings do appear to be enjoying themselves."